Yesterday, I was able to join other alumni in Seattle, enjoy a delicious dinner, and share in the joy that is life in recovery. At the end of this month, it will have been 4 years since I came to the Ranch. My life could not be more different. I have a family now- a husband and two little boys, which would have never been possible without recovery. On my way down to Seattle, my husband and I chatted about what life was like before Rosewood. I was dying, but I couldn’t see it …then. I didn’t feel like there was a way out of the hell that I had found myself in. The treatment team kept saying the same things “follow your meal plan”, “listen to your team”, “surrender”. I didn’t really believe that recovery was possible.
When I left Rosewood, I was scared. I didn’t have the “magical a-ha!” moment that I thought I needed to have in order to find recovery. There was no story or phrase or treatment center that could give me that. This realization almost killed me. I decided to do what everyone had been telling me all along as a last ditch effort to survive. I fought the fear and ate the food. I cried. I struggled. The fight seemed to last forever, but I came out the other side. A whole new world came into focus, and I saw that recovery was possible. It wasn’t easy, but I was doing it. The “magical a-ha!” moment wasn’t a magical moment at all; it was the daily minutiae of recovery. It was the thousands of meals I said yes to and the millions of thoughts that I shut down. Four years later, I feel like a different person. Life is so beautiful. Here is a picture of my oldest son, Ben. He has stolen my fork and loves pretending to eat imaginary dinosaurs.