Six years ago, I was faced with death, not from my eating disorder, but from a brain injury caused by an abusive partner. I woke up after being in a coma eight weeks and I was left with the loss of three years of memory from my life. You’d think after my fight to stay alive, the fight to be able to hold a fork or feed myself and the fight to live would be an obvious decision, but it wasn’t. I stayed in my eating disorder for two more years. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what your circumstances are when deciding to live or die. You choose to either fight for yourself or you do not. Sometimes we are faced with a canyon of fear and we feel there is no other way. God could have taken me home, but he chose to let me live because I had more work to do.
I just wanted to share this in hope that I can give some of you struggling with ED hope. I have so much faith that you can recover no matter the circumstances, but I also get it and understand it’s a choice you have to make because for so long it didn’t matter to me what happened. I hung on to my ED as an identity and didn’t know any other way. Sometimes I wonder why I remembered my eating disorder, but didn’t remember healthy happy memories, but everyone has a journey and you are worth it and I believe everything happens for a reason. Don’t give up before the miracle happens! Love you all and I’m here for support.
Rosewood Centers for Eating Disorders