Secrets

Shhh… It’s a secret. “If you tell anyone, I will never talk to you again.  If you love me and are my friend, you’ll keep your mouth shut.  It’s not that bad.  I have it under control.  I can stop any time I want to.  It’s not as bad as it used to be.” Are these words that you have heard before?  Perhaps you have said those very words to a friend or even to yourself or your family.  Secrets, they are a good thing, right?  Sure they are.  Keeping a secret can be a good thing, but when do they become dangerous?  Are you telling yourself that your secret is not that bad?  Can you really stop anytime you want to? Does your secret keep you up at night and take up too much time in your head?  When you are alone and behind closed doors, is your secret there?  Do you only act upon your secret when you are alone and feel safe?  Have you returned to your mask and act like everything is “just fine?” Please remember that with lapses and relapses, it’s not if but when.  It’s going to happen.  You did not fail.  It’s messy, hard and exhausting.  But this is what recovery looks like.  Watch for those red flags. There is no shame in getting honest and returning to the basics.  Are you being honest with your family and treatment team?  Are you telling the truth? Are you telling them when you are struggling and need support?  You’re not a bother to them.  Don’t ride this temporary lapse to the bottom.  Don’t give up! You are not a lost cause.  You are not alone in this fight!  Secrets keep us sick, remember?  Get the help you deserve NOW so that you can continue on the road to recovery. Are you going to your support groups?  Are you following your aftercare plan? How is your meal plan going?  Are you making the time to fill it out? Are you getting to those appointments with your treatment team? If you’re struggling, do you need to make appointments?  Make the time to self check and make sure you are doing everything you can for your recovery.  Be careful with codependency.  Don’t neglect the most important person in your life… yourself.  Make adjustments where you need to, take a deep breath and keep going.  You must come first in your recovery! Recovery is hard and I think you’re doing a great job.  Keep trying.  You never fail if you always try.  You have the skills and tools to beat your eating disorder.  Every day things are changing.  Keep learning.  Keep fighting.  Keep adjusting those boundaries where needed.  Take a detour if you must, otherwise, keep pushing!  This is your recovery and you must own it!  Think about the time you invested in your secret.  Put that amount of strength and energy into your recovery.  Your worst day in recovery will always be better than your best day with your eating disorder.  If you need to, start over, right now.  Let’s get back on track. You are worthy.  You are loved.  You are valuable.  You are strong.  You are precious. I believe in you. Your recovery coach, Shannon